Writer's Block
by Mr Miracle
Summary: A fic writer interviews several characters from the DC universe to milk them for ideas. Chapter five is now up and running.
1. Waiting Room

Writer's Block

By: Mr Miracle

scott-free@planetoa.com

Summary: To thwart writer's block, a fic writer interviews several candidates from the DC universe for story ideas.

Disclaimer: With the exception of the writer character, DC Comics and AOL Time/Warner own all the characters; this is an original story that does not intend to infringe on their copyright. Feedback in any way, shape, or form is more than welcome!

*****

Scott Free sighed and glanced at his clipboard. It had been a long day. Scott had been trying to think of story ideas since woke up that morning and so far had no luck.

He stood up to address the assembled group of heroes and villains. He ran his hand through his hair and began.

"Hi everybody. My name is Scott—"

"No it isn't!" 

"It's a pen name," explained an agitated Scott.

He placed his clipboard on a nearby table and rubbed his temples with his thumbs.

"OK. Most of you know why you're here. I'm having a bit of trouble coming up with ideas for a fan fiction story. I have called you here to become my little muses."

A red hand wearing a yellow ring was raised in the air.

Scott took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What is it Sinestro?"

The Korugarian stood up and cleared his throat.

"I want you to explain this to me, Scott."

"OK, fair enough," said the writer. "I will interview each of you to see if I can find any ideas for a story just by talking with you guys for a few moments."

The Korugarian seemed to ponder this for a moment and then resumed…

"You mean to tell me, that you've called us from a host of different galaxies and timelines so you can write a stupid story?"

A horde of voices rose up to agree with the renegade Green Lantern. They soon melted into chaos…

"Yeah, I was on Rann trying to have a peaceful dinner with my wife when—"

"Jenny and I were—"

"I was in the middle of a very important conversation with a dying orca!"

"Lois and I have an article to finish for tomorrow this had better be over soon!"

"What's this 'host of different galaxies' shit? I'm from Opal City!"

"Yeah, technically Adam's from Earth, so Sinestro's the only one from—"

"I know Krypton was in the same galaxy as Earth, but is Korugar in this galaxy?"

"ALL RIGHT! SHUT UP!" screamed Scott.

"OK, who wants to go first?"

The man known as the Batman rose while everyone else remained seated.

Sinestro once again became the voice of dissent.

"Now why does he get to go first?" He complained. "I have just as much right to the first interview than anyone else!"

Batman looked over towards the Korugarian and gazed into him.

"I know everything you've ever planned." said the Batman. "I know and can match your moves, your techniques, and the depth of your willpower."

Sinestro cringed at the last remark. Formerly one of the greatest Green Lanterns, he had always taken pride in his willpower.

Batman continued: "I can methodically tear you apart physically and mentally. I have things to do tonight. I have patrols to finish. The longer I stay in this hell of a place the closer I come to destroying the first villain I see…"

The renegade Green Lantern looked around and saw that he was the only "bad guy" in the room. He sunk low in his seat.

"OK. You can go first."


	2. Interview with the Bat

*****

Chapter Two - Interview with the Bat

Scott placed his clipboard on the table, ready to take notes.

The Batman leaned back in his chair arms crossed with a "ready-to-leave" look on the visible portion of his face.

Scott cleared his throat and began.

"OK, so what do you think about a—"

"You're not going to write about me."

Surprised, stupefied and blinking in confusion, Scott could only mutter the word "huh?"

"I said you're not going to write about me."

Shaking his head to gather his senses, Scott nervously responded.

"Um, why not?"

The Batman pulled back his cowl to reveal the sleep-deprived face of Bruce Wayne.

He then stared into the eyes of the writer and said:  "You're not good enough."

"Hey, c'mon that's not fair."

Batman persisted in his judgment.

"If you were good enough to write me you would have finished that 'Intervention' story you had already started."

"It's a work in progress!" replied Scott, trying to defend himself.

"That's what they all say"

"Look, Brucie" said Scott, sarcasm dripping from his voice.  "I'm the writer here, man."

He then pointed at the unmasked Batman.

"I don't have to take any crap from you.  Just give me some ideas so you can go back to your precious little patrol."

The Batman stood up from his seat and pulled his cowl back over his head.

"Fine." said Batman.  "I'll run ideas by you and you'll tell me what you think of them."

_Finally_, thought Scott.  _Maybe this won't take as long as I thought_.

"By the way…" said the Bat.  "Don't call me 'Brucie' again.  The first one is free.  Do you understand me?"

Scott swallowed the lump in his throat and muttered a "yes sir."

"Did you read the book _I am Legend_?"

"I think so…"

"The book where everyone in the world is affected with a vampire curse but this one man who is somehow immune to it?"

"Yes!  I had to read a part of it during my sophomore year of college."

"Remember in Superman #181 how Dracula tried to bite Clark and he dissolved into ash?"

"Uh huh."

"You could make an _I am Legend_ type 'Elseworlds' story where everyone in the world is a vampire but Superman, and I team up with him so we can cure the world of this vampire plague."

Scott contemplated this for a moment and then a sudden realization hit him.

"That's a good idea but I'm afraid it won't quite work…"

The Batman rose from the uncomfortable folding chair and stared into the writer with a look that would have frozen Killer Croc in his tracks.

"_Excuse_ me?"

Scott's right arm began to tremble violently. He put his left arm over it to control the shaking.

"Uh, I mean, uh, wouldn't you be, um, a vampire, too, uh, sir?"

"Superman would need a chemist to help him find a cure."

"B-But in the b-book all vampires were-um-were almost mindless."

Batman sat back into his seat and sighed.

"Very well.  I have another idea…"

Scott regained control of himself.

"All right" muttered Scott.

"An infant Kal-El's ship lands around Wayne Manor and he is brought up as Bruce Wayne.  This will give you a Batman with Superman's power."

_Oh my God_, thought Scott.  _How am I going to tell him this?_

"Um, Batman," said a fearful Scott.  "I think that's already been done."

"It has not.  It is a completely original idea."

"Now I haven't read all of this, I just flipped through it at the comic store one day.  All right?  DC already published something like that and I think it was called _Faster than a Speeding Bullet_ or something like that."

The Batman's upper lip angrily formed a scowl.

"If you don't like my idea.  You should say so."

The words "oh shit" seemed to repeat in Scott's head.

He began to tremble again.

"It-It's a great idea, B-Batman, but, uh um, they already did that and um—"

Batman turned the table over in anger and stood to his feet.

Scott fell to the ground in panic.

He looked down on the writer and pointed an angry finger towards him.

"You have wasted enough of my time," scowled the Bat. "My time is _quite_ precious.  The more of my time you waste the angrier I will become. And most importantly, I will stay here until you accept one of my ideas."

_Oh Jesus, how do I get him outta here_? screamed Scott's thoughts.

The answer to his prayer came in an idea so brilliant there could have been a light bulb over his head.

The biggest question Scott had was "Who do I need to sell out to get this to work?"

"Um, Batman, uh, I think you need to know something, sir"

"**What?**" bellowed Batman with a voice that could have frightened Satan himself.

"Just before I came in here for our interview, everyone in the waiting room saw on the news that Scarecrow attacked fans at a Knights football game."

"The situation should be under control.  I had Nightwing cover for me."

"Well, y'see, we all didn't know that, so Green Lantern stood up and said 'I don't care what the Bat said about Gotham! I've gotta help these people!"

Batman let loose what could only be described as a muffled growl.

"He should have known better."

"Yeah, but he went anyway."

"Where's the teleporter?"

"Behind you and against the wall."

Batman looked at Scott and apologized for his behavior.  

"I'm sorry about the table, Scott.  Wayne Enterprises will send you a check for a new one tomorrow morning."

The Dark Knight Detective did his very best to calm his temper before teleporting back to Gotham City.

Scott let loose a sigh of relief as he managed to get to his feet.

As he walked into the waiting room, he could hear a repetitive "ping" sound.

"NO MAN SHALL HOLD THE SCION OF DARKSEID CAPTIVE!!"

_Oh great, another problem_, thought Scott.

Scott walked over to Kyle Rayner, the current Green Lantern.

"Kyle, can I have a word with you for a moment?"

Kyle stood up from his seat stretched for a moment.

"Yeah, Scott?" said the last of the Green Lanterns.

"Be careful around Batman for the next couple of days…"

"Ummmmmmm…  Why?"

"He was getting a little aggressive so I told him you were in Gotham."

The Flash laughed out obnoxiously while Jack Knight snickered to himself.

Almost everyone else silently prayed for Green Lantern.

Kyle's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates in fear. His eyes then focused into anger.

"You son of a b—"

"Look," interrupted Scott. "I will totally make it up to you, man.  Just lie low for a few days, OK?"

Green Lantern sighed and quietly agreed.

"All right," said Kyle as he walked to the teleporter.

Scott glanced over at Orion, who at the moment was foaming at the mouth.

The son of Darkseid locked eyes with the fic writer, his mother box pinging so fast it could barely hold his temper in check.

"**There he is!**" said Orion through a foamed mouth. "**The one responsible!  The one who stole my step-brother's name!**"

Scott didn't think it was possible, but he found someone scarier than Batman.

"KYLE!!" screamed Scott.

The Green Lantern was punching coordinate numbers for the JLA Watchtower into the teleporter.

"You want me to take Orion with me don't you?"

"UH HUH!!"

Green energy enveloped the New God as Kyle willed him towards the teleporter.

"C'mon, big guy," said Kyle.  "Let's see if they have one of them "boom tube" makers at the Watchtower."

In a flash of blue light, the son of Darkseid and the Emerald Knight vanished.

Scott ran a hand through his mussed hair and picked up his clipboard.

"OK.  Who's next?"


	3. Fastest Nuisance Alive

*****

Chapter Three

The young man known as Impulse was bouncing up and down in his seat. His eyes perked up when he saw Scott re-enter the room.

"IwannagonextlemmegonextScottwhycantIgonexthuhIgotsomegoodideasScottc'monwhaddyasay?"

Not even bothering to ask Impulse directly, Scott looked at Wally West, the current Flash and Bart's cousin.

Wally rolled his eyes and looked back at the writer.

"Do you want me to translate?" said the Flash.

"Could you?"

Wally stretched back in Scott's recliner and replied.

"He wants to go next," said Wally, yawning.

"Oh, OK," replied Scott.

Diana, the princess of the Amazons rose and looked the writer in the eyes.

"Scott," she began, "I would also like for Impulse to go next."

Scott was taken aback by what appeared to be the first instance of selflessness he had seen that night.

But Wonder Woman continued…

"He keeps staring at my chest."

Scott dropped his head and reached behind his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. He then muttered an obscenity under his breath.

"Heypottymouth,watchyourfreakinlanguage!" Impulse said as he ran over towards Scott.

Once again, Scott noticed a red hand raised in the air.

"What do you want now, Sinestro?" said Scott with a sigh. The Korugarian rose to his feet and nervously fumbled with his hands. 

"Scott, I have a confession to make," said the renegade Green Lantern.

He then knelt his head in shame. "I have also stared at Wonder Woman's chest. In fact, I've been doing it all night…"

There was a moment of silence. The entire assembled group alternated between looking at the now infuriated Amazon and Sinestro. Scott stared at the Korugarian and looked directly into his eyes.

"Nice try Sinestro. You're just going to have to wait your turn like everyone else."

"No seriously! I've been gazing at her glorious body all evening!"

Princess Diana began to turn red with anger.

"Damn it Sinestro!" Scott said, trying to talk over Impulse, who was repeating the words "potty mouth" as fast as he could. 

"What?" replied the Korugarian. "I want to get the hell out of here!"

"Look, dude," said Scott. "I'm sick of your crap!" Scott then pointed at Superman, who was lying back on the couch, relaxed.

"Look at Superman, he's relaxed."

"He's asleep!"

"So! C'mon Bart let's get this over with."  
Scott and Impulse left the room, abandoning Sinestro to the fury of a dishonored Amazon.

****

Bart was fidgeting next to the plastic card table Scott had set up to avoid another 'Batman-like' mishap.

Scott placed his clipboard on the cheap plastic table and began.

"OK, Bart what ideas do you have?"

The teen speedster launched several ideas as fast as thought.

"Okthinkaboutmehavingsex."

It took a few moments for Scott to decipher Impulse's 'speed-speak.' 

Then it dawned on him.

"Oh my God! Aren't you like 14 or something?"

Bart took a moment to adjust his talking speed and seemed to ponder his next idea.

"OK, how 'bout I go back in time to meet my gran'pa?"

Scott's eyes bulged in excitement. Finally, he got an actual good idea!

"Fantastic! Bart, that's a great idea! Just let me write that down real quick, OK?"

Impulse's eyes darted around the room he then he looked back Scott.

"C'mon, it can work, what about me and Carol, huh? Or even Cissie! Or Carol and Cissie!"

"No way little dude, no one wants to read about 14 year olds getting groovy, I mean c'mon, this is a little out of character for you! I will **not** write a story about you getting laid!"

Bart hung his head in shame. He then jumped up on the card table and pointed at the writer. 

"But no one can resist the mighty Penis Dance!" Bart screamed as he began a series of pelvic thrusts while humming what seemed to be the tune to "The Hamster Dance."

Scott sighed, stood up and grabbed Impulse from underneath his armpits and carried him away.

"Heywhaddyadoingmanlemmego!" Bart screamed as Scott took him back to the waiting room.

The Flash looked up from the three-year old magazine he was reading and saw Scott carrying his squirming younger cousin like an infant with a wet diaper.

Wally looked at the writer and tried to suppress a laugh.

"Kid's aggravating isn't he?" said Wally with a smirk.

"I always thought they played it up in the comics," Scott said as he handed Bart over to the Flash. "But he really is the Fastest Nuisance Alive."

"That's what everyone likes about him. You should be glad he didn't get into the coffee."

"Yeah, I guess you're right…"

Scott shifted his weight nervously before he began…

"Hey, Wally," said Scott. "Do you mind taking him home?"

Wally smirked as he looked back at the writer. "I dunno. Maybe I should leave hormonal boy here with you."

"NO dude! ANYTHING but that!"

"Two Wally West-related stories by the end of next month or I send Bart the Pest to stay with you for a few days."

Bart looked up at Scott and blew a super-speed raspberry.

Scott looked at the Flash with his eyebrows arched in agony.

"Mr. West, you have a deal."

The Flash set Bart back on the ground and knelt down to his level.

"C'mon Bart, When we get back to our universe, I'll race you back to Denver."

Bart's eyes perked and bulged. "Race?!? Sweet!!"

In a flash, Impulse ran over to the teleporter and began fidgeting in anticipation repeating the word "race" at nearly the speed of sound.

With a smile the Flash looked back at Scott.

"Remember. Two stories. End of next month."

In a burst of blue light, they both vanished.

Scott walked into the kitchen and took a few aspirin out of the cabinet.

He tilted his head upward and swallowed the pills dry.

He looked back out towards his assembled "muses."

"All right, who's next?"


	4. Fishsticks, Slash, and the Nature of Rea...

*****

Chapter Four – Fishsticks, Slash, and the Nature of Reality.

"What in the _hell_ is _this_?" cried the former king of the seas. "_Who_ the _hell_ do you think you _are_ having me in your house with _this_ in your refrigerator?"

Scott stood in disbelief as Aquaman held a box of the Wal-Mart brand fishsticks in his "watery" hand. It took Scott a minute or two for him to realize that these could very well have been some of Arthur's friends.

"Dude, I'm in college!" said Scott, trying to defend himself.

"SO?"

"If I could afford to eat anything _other_ than fishsticks, I would do it."

"Then I would suggest you find another line of work," said Arthur, pointing his watery-finger at Scott's chest.

"Lookit, your majesty," replied a sarcastic Scott. "You're being irrational. I'm _in_ _college_ so I _can_ get another job. You think I _want_ to push freaking shopping carts for the rest of my life?"

Arthur cut his eyes at Scott and balled his hands into fists.

"I may have been deposed from my throne on Atlantis," said Arthur, quietly. "But no one speaks to me in such a tone."

Scott took off his glasses and placed them on the kitchen counter. One of his biggest pet peeves is when someone says that "no one speaks to me" in a certain manner. He had finally had enough. Scott put together his best Clint Eastwood face and stared right into the former fish king's eyes.

"Then _do_ something about it, fishpussy."

The former monarch began to visibly shake. His left eye began to twitch.

"_What_… did… you… call… me?" 

In Scott's living room, Sinestro began to chuckle out of his Amazon-induced coma.

Scott began to laugh as well. 

"I said," he chuckled. "Do something about it, fishpussy, or I'll write slash about you…"

"With Ocean Master!" interjected Sinestro, choking back tears. "Or Black Manta! They could cuddle afterwards and he could call Aquaman his 'little fishcracker!'"

Arthur began to fume, barely controlling his anger.

Confused, Scott turned to a nearby Jack Knight.

"Jack, I don't get it. Is Black Manta really a black guy?"

"Uh… yeah," replied the seventh Starman. "They call every black super-person 'Black' fill-in-the-blank. You know, like Black Panther, or Black Lightning."

"Y'know, I've always thought that was stupid," replied Scott. "But, yeah, I guess I never saw Manta out of that scuba-crap before Neron turned him into that creepy-ass monster thing."

Jack continued to sip from his cup of coffee while Scott looked into the living room to see Sinestro desperately use his ring against an oncoming Aquaman.

"Orm's my brother you freak! And Manta killed my son!" cried Arthur as he telepathically toyed with Sinestro's basil ganglia.

As Sinestro hit floor with a thud, Scott's eyes turned to the room's corner. A lanky, pale, white-haired, young man began to stare at him.

"Son of a…" muttered Scott, shaking the confusion from his head. With a slight smile he walked towards the pale, robed man in the corner. 

"Final interview, Daniel. You're next."


	5. Secrets and Mysteries, or How Scott Got ...

*****

Chapter Five – Secrets and Mysteries, or How Scott Got His Groove Back

The assembled group of heroes (and villain) instantly froze in the air.  

Yellow bursts of energy were floating wildly around the living room, while Sinestro was motionless and cowering on the floor.  

Aquaman was frozen three feet in the air, his "water" hand out defensively while his other hand was a fraction of an inch away from Sinestro's face.  

Wonder Woman was stopped mid-blink while turning a page in one of Scott's old mythology books.

Adam Strange was motionless, trying to open the beer he stole from Scott's refrigerator.

Jack Knight had coffee cup three inches away from his mouth.

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

Dream of the Endless remained without expression.  "Yes, you are." 

_Jesus_, thought Scott.  _I'm dreaming about comic books?  I really need to get a date sometime soon._

"Yes, it really is pretty sad," said the Lord of Dreams.

"Shut up, Daniel."

"Most mortals dream of the opposite sex, not fictional characters."

"Shut up, Daniel."

"Your freshman-level psychology professor would have _loved_ to hear about this…"

Scott sighed.  "Goddamn it…"

"I can arrange for you to tell her about this.  It _is _a dream, you know."

With a chuckle and a slight smile, Dream walked ahead while Scott saw his apartment melt away into nothing.  Scott's head tilted to the side in wonder as a door appeared with a wave of the Dreamlord's hand.

"How did you do that?" asked the writer, as they both walked through the door.

"When I am in my realm, I have the ability to do as I please," replied the Lord of Dreams.  "Omnipotence, but only while in the Dreaming.  My power is reduced somewhat in the mortal realm."

"That's why you could read my thoughts?"

"Yes"

"So let me get this straight, when you're here, in the Dreaming, you're omnipotent?"

"Yes"

"Anything you have the desire to do, you have the power to do?"

"Yes, but only in the realm of dreams."

Scott stopped for a second, and with a slight pause, posed another question.  "Can you make a rock so big that even you can't lift it?"

"…Yes"

"But if you can't—"

"There will be time for your theological microcosm later, we mustn't dawdle." 

"Theological microcosm?"

"That is the question usually posed by those who seek to refute the Judeo-Christian doctrine of divine omnipotence."

"Uh, yeah…  Um, you're right.  No dawdling."

Shortly afterward, Scott was seated in Dream's dining hall.  Dream's servants had prepared a dinner for the two.  

"The reason I called you here, Mr. Andrews—"

"Whoa, uh, let's stick to the pen name, OK?"

"Very well," continued the Dreamlord.  "Mr. Miracle, I have seen an amount of potential within your mind, and I've called you here to make you an offer."

Scott's eyes widened in surprise.  "An offer?" he asked.

"I believe you know of Morpheus' deal with William Shakespeare?"

The right side of Scott's mouth moved up into a smirk.

"Y'know what, Daniel, I think I might be inclined to take you up on your offer…"

*****

Scott abruptly woke with a start, sat up in bed and rubbed his hand through his hair. 

_What a crazy-ass dream…_

The memory of the previous night's fantasy slowly fled from his mind, as dreams often do.  The fic writer rose from bed and turned on the computer.  Sitting in front of a blank word processor screen, he felt something shift with in his mind.  An idea had formed.

He began to type:

BATMAN:  CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT

By: Scott Free

Chapter One

Scott smirked, content in the knowledge that he found an idea.   Filled with inspiration, he continued typing until he completed the first chapter.  He had a grand vision for this tale, and perhaps now he could finish it…


End file.
